Tuesday, April 14, 2009

It is stupid, you should be able to answer a question 2 times. i can't figure how to. read. jokes.?

kay, so i can%26#039;t figure out how to give though girl another joke so i am putting a few right here. %26quot;answer%26quot; though girl!





Yo moma so stupid she was watching the news and when it said it was going to be chili (cold) outside, she grabbed a bowl and headed outside.





Yo moma so stupid she sits on the tv and watches the couch





yo moma so fat she has to trick or treat over the internet.





Yo moma so stupid she has to put lipstick on her forehead to make-up her mind





why did the fork go to the hospital? he was bent out of shape!





yo moma so ugly, they filmed %26quot;gorilla in the mist%26quot; in her shower room





blonde jokes: no offense. really. they%26#039;re just funny.





Why did the blonde were too pairs of shoes golfing? incase he got a hole in one.





There was a blonde that kept checking her mail on a sunday morning. When her neighbor was sick of it, he walked over and told her there%26#039;s nomail on sunday.she said%26quot;i know,it%26#039;s weird, my comp says i do%26quot;

It is stupid, you should be able to answer a question 2 times. i can%26#039;t figure how to. read. jokes.?
lol. these were really funny
Reply:Kinda funny.
Reply:They were OK!
Reply:LOL.





Have a great day!
Reply:funny i like this one the best:yo moma so ugly, they filmed %26quot;gorilla in the mist%26quot; in her shower room




freckles

Quick quiz?

chess or golf?


tennis shoes or boots?


chocolate or caviar?


coke or pepsi?


bus or plane?


just 5 questions; surely you have time for 5 questions...

Quick quiz?
1. Golf! (chess is kinda boring...)





2. Tennis Shoes (Boots are sometimes heavy and hard to walk in)





3.Chocolate!!!! (Note- Me=Chocoholic)





4. Either one is fine with me.





Bus (I%26#039;m afraid of heights...I only go on planes when necessary)
Reply:chess or golf? golf


tennis shoes or boots? boots


chocolate or caviar? chocolate


coke or pepsi? coke


bus or plane? plane
Reply:golf


boots


Chocolate


coke


plane
Reply:Golf


Boots


Chocolate


COKE


Plane
Reply:both


shoes


chocolate


pepsi


car
Reply:golf (actually neither)


tennis shoes


chocolate


pepsi


plane
Reply:Chess


Tennis Shoes


Chocolate


Coke


Plane


:)
Reply:chess or golf? golf, only because you can ride on golf carts


tennis shoes or boots? tennis shoes


chocolate or caviar? chocolate


coke or pepsi? pepsi


bus or plane? plane
Reply:there both boring *YAWN*


tennis shoes


chocolate


i think there the same


plane way faster
Reply:chess


tennis shoes


chocolate


Pepsi


plane definitely



insurance

Name this pain... (betrayal, back stabbing, etc., ect.)?

A relationship is made of several different things:


1. Love


2. Trust


3. Honesty


4. Care


5. Support


6. Determination


We all know that. But one thing that people don%26#039;t know is that a relationship between two people isn%26#039;t 50/50. It%26#039;s always 60/40 or 70/30. One person always loves more. And one person always has loved longer. No matter what, there%26#039;s always someone(#1) that cares more about the relationship, and more about the other person(#2) than #2 does about #1. People say that to make a relationship to work you have to be patient and work hard to establish it. Well that%26#039;s a joke. There%26#039;s always someone who pretends to be hard working, while the other person actually works and tries. But the slacker just goes along for the ride...and ends up breaking the true person’s heart.


If you ask me, there%26#039;s no such thing as a %26quot;true relationship%26quot; between two people. You may think there is, but if you look closely, there%26#039;s always a flaw. Someone starts pulling away after a while. Soon, they make new friends/ find someone else/ get divorced/ start arguing (etc.). It may be perfect at first, but then things start to happen. People change, they grow away from you, they lose interest, and they start to not care....


And personally, I hate this feeling. I%26#039;ve had it happen to me. And it%26#039;s not something you%26#039;d volunteer yourself for. It hurts. It feels like you%26#039;ve been hit by a bus. Or your very soul has been ripped away from you and crushed. You%26#039;re heart starts to feel heavy. Your stomach ties in knots. Your throat closes up. Your eyes start to run and tear. Pretty soon, you can%26#039;t hold it in any longer. You%26#039;ve put up with this unknown pain for-it seems like-years. And you just can%26#039;t deal with it any more. So you stop-then and there-and cry. You cry until you think there%26#039;s not a drop of water left in you. But, surprisingly, you feel the same feeling once again. So this time you start sobbing. Your face turns red and puffy. Your eyes are blood-shot, and you%26#039;re nose is dripping like Niagara Falls. Yet you keep crying. And you keep sniffling, and the tears just keep coming. Who knows, you could be crying for days. Yet you still feel like your soul has been run over by a train. And your stomach is still in knots. And it has caused you lack of appetite. So you haven%26#039;t eaten in who knows how long and your weak and tired. But you can%26#039;t seem to choke down even a bit of the soup your mom is trying to shove down your throat. But you%26#039;re still able to find enough water and salt to cry. You go on like this for only Pete knows how long. And pretty soon, people start to worry. They keep asking you what%26#039;s wrong. And why you won%26#039;t stop crying. And when you can%26#039;t find the words to answer, they start with threats. After a while, they give up. They go away and don%26#039;t come back for a while. While they leave, you wonder why someone won%26#039;t just stay and hold your hand. Like they used to when you stubbed your toe or fell on the sidewalk. But you%26#039;re all grown up now. And they assume you can handle your own problems. And they all want to know is what the problem is, so they can act concerned for about five minutes, and then leave you all alone to fend for yourself. But the truth is, this kind of pain is something no one can go through alone. And this type of pain can%26#039;t be healed by band-aids or from a giant lollipop given to you by the guy on the street corner.


To me, this type of pain follows you for the rest of your life. Even if you make new friends/ meet someone new/ apologize/ or just ignore the source; even if you heal, it follows. There%26#039;s always something that triggers the memory. There%26#039;s always a reminder there, warning you not to get to close. And when a day comes along and you just can%26#039;t seem to get out of bed; or when you just start to cry for-people think-%26quot;no good reason%26quot;; you%26#039;ll secretly remember that pain. What if felt like. And the cause of it will come back to haunt you...then slowly fade away. Until that day comes that it is triggered yet again.


For me, this pain hasn%26#039;t gone away yet. If I look closely, I can still see the scars that were left on my heart after the war was over. And after all the tears were shed, and all the days of remembering, I can still feel it sometimes. And I remember what caused it. The pain only hurts worse during those times. And when I don%26#039;t remember it, I%26#039;m almost positive I can still feel a slight throbbing where it feels like my soul was ripped out and dropped from Mount Everest and then stomped on with a Golfing shoe.


To me, this pain isn%26#039;t something asked for. And this pain isn%26#039;t pretty.....


But neither is

Name this pain... (betrayal, back stabbing, etc., ect.)?
grief, depression, heartbreak
Reply:heyheyhey!!!! i thought your name was funloving girl!!! so stop already. there are books about this in the bookstores, one is called %26#039;love tactics%26#039;. i was frankly hurting reading your question. it was the longest i ever read, i actually couldnt really finish it.
Reply:Uh oh--it looks like someone needs a HUG!



maintenance repairs

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Reply:I think it is a scheme..


They are fakes anyways



Adidas

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business

Does anyone know what movie this quote is from?

%26quot;It is better than getting your face kicked with a golf shoe.%26quot;





i need the answer asap

Does anyone know what movie this quote is from?
According to www.imdb.com it%26#039;s Son in Law. Spoken by the tattoo artist played by Flea from The Red Hot Chili Peppers.





I%26#039;ve never seen it, but boy is it ever sad that I know how to find this info.
Reply:Son In Law





was the tattoo artist
Reply:Son In Law. That is such a great movie. In fact, I was reading about the trivia facts and goofs about the movie a few hours ago.



maintenance repairs

Albert and his 'tart'.....?

Albert brought home the old nag from the pub this evening and expected me to cook them dinner. This %26#039;woman%26#039; works behind the bar and has a face like it%26#039;s gone on fire and been put out with a golf shoe. I served up some bangers %26amp; mash for us all, and she had the cheek to say it was lumpy. I suggested she was a crude vulgarian and a row broke out. She thought i%26#039;d accused her of being Bulgarian. I then called her deaf and she got angry and broke my flaps. The cat can%26#039;t get in or out now as a result. Albert sneaked off down the pub while her and i were screaming at each other. How dare he bring her home and expect me to cook for her. I told her that her cheap perfume stank, and she poked me in the teeth with a false nail. I threw her out and told her never to come back and now i have indigestion because of all this carry-on. What can i do? Thanks

Albert and his %26#039;tart%26#039;.....?
Next time, you should, as a good dinner party hostess, stick to dishes you know well, rather than trying something difficult, new or exotic.





I can heartily recommend %26quot;Cooking for Mingers%26quot;, the latest Delia offering.





I would suggest tatties and mince - that old scottish favourite for days when the chippy is closed due to vandalism.





Make sure you use real lard to cook the mince, and to avoid lumps, simply leave the tatties whole, in their skins, and with a generous amount of manure still attached (a l%26#039;irlandais). I know I said nothing exotic, but there is a large Irish population in the West of Scotland, and their culinary influence is extensive, like indian cooking in England. Serve with neep surprise . Again, cook the neep whole, and serve al dente, so if anyone makes smart remarks about your cooking, you can rip their head off and replace it with the neep. If it is after pub closing time in Paisley, it could be weeks before anyone notices. Ideally, you should offer scottish oatcakes as an hors d%26#039;oevre - but do call it a starter, as local pronunciation, and a lack of familiarity with French may lead your guests to think you are serving horses dubrees. For our transatlantic cousins, dubrees are exactly what you fear I meant. If you run out of oatcakes, you could lift sections of carpet tile and serve them - no one will notice the difference.


Another social faux pas that you should avoid next time, is not having a fourth guest. I would suggest the procurator fiscal, as that would help if the evening deteriorates into violence (Or Big Shuggie, the delivery man from Netto would do - what he lacks in social conversation, he makes up for in discount vouchers for the cooked meat counter). Talking of alcohol-induced violence, please give some thought to the drinks needed to complement your meal. I would recommend an aperitif of White lightening cider, or special brew, for the discerning guest. For the main course, you can%26#039;t beat a robust bottle of Thunderbird to cut through the taste of burnt lard. And for pudding (and here I recommend breaking with the tradition of serving fried mars bars - be adventurous and serve snickers instead, although be careful your guests don%26#039;t have a nut allergy) .......where was I? Ah yes, for pudding wine a couple of pints of Buckfast Abbey wine in a mug provide a wine to complement your dessert. If your guests have a particular aversion to drinking grapes trodden by papist monks, because they are of the ultra-protestant %26quot;wee-free%26quot; persuasion, simply tear the labels off, and pretend you have made the wine yourself from leftover neeps. They%26#039;ll never know.





Social success - the Paisley way. Ye canna beat it.
Reply:I think the minute he brought her home, you should have thrown them both out. Damn, you have a hellva life, sure hope it gets better. . . .
Reply:not a face like a slapped a**e then? or the back of a bus? damn, girl, he%26#039;s certainly extracting the wottsit expecting you to be a good hostess. what do you usually take for indigestion? i%26#039;d try a bottle of vodka. it might not cure it but it could be fun trying. %26amp; then you can forget all about it. so, the old tart; is she a real minger? i can just picture her; faux fur leopardprint coat, red high heels, bleached blonde hair in a tangled bouffant, bright red nail polish, fag in one hand %26amp; glass of gutrot in the other, varicose veins, bright red lipstick, need i go on? how about you tell albert you expect an invitation to hers for dinner now. it%26#039;s only good manners! then you can tell us about her skanky home(bedsit, i bet). go girlfriend, give us the real lowdown on the old s**g! diane.
Reply:Oh god not the pair of you again? He had a nerve bringing his cheap tart home and expecting you to cook for her. You should have thrown them both out.
Reply:Rennie....and a shot gun.
Reply:what are you going to do now crazy abusive lady?





i think you two should have a tv series
Reply:Albert better wise up.....Don%26#039;t get your knickers in a bunch. As an American; I really love the way you wrote this question %26amp; used words like %26quot; cheek %26quot; %26amp; %26quot; tart %26quot;. It sounds like Albert doesn%26#039;t realize what a good thing he has in living with you. ---I think you are just right to utilize the plan I am going to give you.------ The next time Albert brings the old Essex Girl ( that is what you call them, right ?? ) home.....Cook some more of those bangers %26amp; mash only this time make sure her mash is really lumpy by hiding 2 or 3 pebbles in her portion of mash. After she bites into your mash %26amp; cracks a tooth...I bet she never comes back again. I bet Albert will get the message too.- Good Luck !
Reply:i%26#039;m sorry who brought who home, i hope your talking about your son bringing home a skanky girl? and not your husband?



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